BLOW JOB MISTAKES WOMEN MAKE THAT GUYS HATE

Watch where she puts that thing.

We know you broads think any blow job is a good blow job. That guys are just happy you're there, putting the dick in your mouth.

But if that were the case, we'd get blow jobs from other dudes who have the equipment and know what feels good and what doesn't.

Some broad recently wrote an article about five kissing mistakes that guys make, which seems to insinuate only men do certain shitty things when they kiss and women don't when, in fact, a bad kisser is a bad kisser regardless of gender.

The blow job, however, is another story. When it comes to kissing, men and women both have lips and therefore most of us know how to use them. But women don't have dicks, so it's not uncommon to find one who thinks she's gnawing on a corn cob instead of handling a delicate instrument of pleasure.

In worst case scenarios, there will be a jerk, a shriek of pain or a swift palm strike to the side of your head if you're really a hack. In less extreme instances, you'll just be deemed unsatisfactory as a sexual partner, your number will be lost and you'll be forgotten about.

So, consider this our public service announcement.

1. The Shaft Scraper

Put that thing away.

The biggest mistake a woman can make and will immediately get her added to the do not call list is being too toothy. Any contact of the teeth with the penis is unacceptable. The worst is when you scrape your teeth up and down the shaft.

Open your damn mouth wide enough to keep your teeth out of the equation. We know it isn't comfortable or normal, but you'll get used to it. When you do, you'll learn that you'll be able to make friends and influence people much better than before.

2. The Tip Taker

Come on. Put it all in there.

Just in case you weren't aware, there's a whole cock there. It's more than just the tip. Yeah, OK, that's the most sensitive part and we know the whole thing looks intimidating, but you have try to get more than just the head in your mouth.

Get down the shaft and even work the balls into the mix and you'll have a happy man. You know that porn flick you've seen where the guy is ramming the chick's head up and down on his dick and she's gagging? That's because she probably wasn't taking it all in, and he simply took matters into his own hands.

3. The No-hander

This one's too easy.

Yeah, it's true. Blow jobs are about sucking cock. While there's absolutely no reason you should confuse it with a hand job and stop using your mouth, there's no reason you should only be using your oral orifice to get the job done.

If we just wanted to feel the inside of a wet hole we could have shoved our dicks in a pail of worms or an apple pie, like in that movie we all saw. Not only will your hands save you from having to constantly deep throat the shaft, but it's key to a well-rounded blow job.

So stroke that shaft and cup those balls!

4. The Spitter

Don't even think about it.

I honestly haven't come across one of these in a while. That is, women who think it's OK to spit after they take a load in their mouth. They're out there, though. Some will spit it back on you, others will spit it on the floor, and others will run to the bathroom and spit it out.

It's an unbelievable turn-off to witness you spit out our seed as though it's sour milk rather than show us how much you like the taste our own come. It's already in your damn mouth, so just swallow it! Nothing makes a guy want to kiss you less and call you a cab faster than a broad who can't handle a load.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Ladies, if you're going to spit don't you DARE dribble it all over him. It's one thing not to swallow, but to cover himself with what he'd rather see all over your face is insulting. Suck it up.]

5. The Finger Jammer

There'd better be lube nearby.

Some guys like a finger up their asses. It's definitely not the worst thing when performed at the right time in the right fashion - and with some prior warning. What is the worst thing is when you suddenly find a dry finger - WHAM! - jammed up the butt mid-BJ.

I know most women can relate to this because some idiot has surely tried to randomly jam a dick or thumb up their asses, too. So they should know it doesn't feel good when the tables are turned!

These operations are delicate. They require finesse, not force. They also require lubrication of some sort. I know it's a lot to ask, but if you want to get into that area, have a little common sense.

How to Give the Best Blowjob: A Beginner's Guide

How to Give the Best Blowjob: A Beginner's Guide

You're here because you want to learn how to give the perfect blowjob -- the kind of sucking that will make your man bite his lips and call out your name, not to mention the sexy groans, rapid pounding of the heart, the manly sweat, and the non-stop heavings.


Let's be honest here, don't you just love pleasing your man? Let me answer that first because I'm not ashamed to say it to your face. I love giving head. I love sucking my boyfriend's manhood and sucking his balls until he comes. I love slobbering his dick up and down as I close my eyes to feel his dick pulsating in my mouth.


Whew, that was hot!


Without further ado, I'd like to give you this blowjob guide, a zillion tips that make your man go crazy, and a no-nonsense advice to make sure he'll fantasize only about you.


Trust me, master your fellatio skills and you won't have to deal with a third party. Men fantasize about it most of the time, and they stick to those who can give them their fantasy. How do I know that? Well, let's just say that over the past five years, a married man has been dropping by my apartment to hook up with me. He says I give good head. The catch is, I'm gay.


So are you ready to blow your man's brain out? I bet you are.

Sucking Dicks Doesn’t Make You a Pig, Get Over It!

But wait, before we dive into the topic even deeper, there’s just one thing that I’d like to get out of the way. It’s about the perception of many people -- especially women -- about fellatio.


I have to be honest. At first, the thought of kneeling down and putting a man’s dick inside your mouth disgusted me at first.


There’s no way I’m going to do that! I remember telling my friends that.


But it’s the only way us gays can please a man, my gay friends would say.


I didn’t argue with them because I knew deep down they’re right. So I tried to imagine myself doing the “nasty” deed, if only to prepare myself when an opportunity arises. But everytime I did, I found myself asking innocent, virginal questions, which did not help at all.


How about the smell? Isn’t that dirty? Will I get sick?


Aside from those questions, perhaps one of the reasons why it took me some time to get into the action is the fact that most people describe blowjobs as “gross” and should never be done. Blowjobs are for sluts and porn stars, and those who do it do not have respect in themselves.


I’m sure that most people can relate to this, but we’re grown-ups now. Sucking dicks does not necessarily mean you’re a slut... or worse, a pig. Get over it!

Why Men Love Blowjobs

I’ve been sucking my boyfriend’s dick for more than five years now, and though I have some pretty interesting theories as to why he loves blowjobs, I want professionals to tell us why exactly. Anyway, here are my thoughts.


First, whether we like it or not, admit it or not, every man wants to be a “macho” man. A husband expects submissiveness from his wife, and it gives him great satisfaction seeing his wife submit to him in the bedroom. Yes, slavery is very much alive!


Second, people are always looking for a validation of whatever prowess, traits, or possessions they take pride in having. In this context, men are always looking for ways to validate their manhood and ego. A good blowjob makes them feel like Superman.


Last, blowjobs can be a sign of love or a deep sense of connection. If a girl is willing to suck her boyfriend’s dick in earnest, this can be perceived as love or admiration. On the contrary, when blowjobs are a one-night-only thing, the act is purely lust.


[Related: Benefits of Giving a Blowjob]

How to Give Your Man the Hottest Blowjob Ever

Giving head is not as simple as you think. It’s actually an art. Art, you say? Why yes! It’s not just about unzipping your man’s pants, pulling his penis out, and sliding it up and down your mouth. If you want to give the best, mind-blowing blowjobs, understand that it is a process that should be done with passion and so much gusto.


Let me give you a step-by-step process in achieving just that.


1. Be in the mood.


First of all, condition yourself. You have to want it. You have to be submissive, sexy, naughty, and very into it. Otherwise, it’s not going to work. In my case, I’m always in the mood. My boyfriend is a hot dude, and he has such a nice-looking dick. So when he drops by my place, which is usually on the weekends, I make sure I’m feeling sexy and ready to please him.


Different people have different ways to get into the action. Some would watch porn, and others prefer to cuddle and make out. Find out what’s yours, and use it to your advantage.


2. Give time for foreplay.

I don’t know about you, but I love initiating my boyfriend and I’s intimate moments. He prefers it that way, and he responds better if I do that. I theorize that doing this fills up his ego, making him more and more like a man.


What I do for foreplay is to pamper my man. I give him a back rub, a massage, and even clip his nails. While doing these things, I tease him like a shy girl by secretly rubbing my leg onto his crotch. Of course he knows what I’m doing, and the pseudo-mystery helps increase both our libido. I touch him here and there, and rub his crotch slightly, feeling his hard-on.


So yeah, tease, tease, tease.


3. When you’re ready, slowly and gently scoop your man’s penis out.


Don’t forget the flirty smile and the slutty look while you’re doing it. And please be gentle. Hold his dick like you would your most treasured possession. Be careful with the head and the front part of the shaft because they’re the most sensitive and delicate parts of the penis. Long nails look sexy, but careful not to scratch the Big Ben.


While doing all this, unwrap your man like a delicate gift. Let him lie down on the bed or sit with his arms at the back of his head. Don’t his armpits look sexy? Yes, smell his manhood, kiss his happy trails, then move your way up to his nipples, chest, neck, nipples again, neck again, and then his mouth. But whatever you do, don’t let go of the Big Ben. Stroke it gently, up and down, up and down...


4. When you’ve had enough appetizer, it’s time for the main course.


Once again, give your man the sluttiest of the slutty look while moving down to his manhood. Cup your man’s balls, fix your hair, and then start with the head. Let your imagination take you back to when you were a kid enjoying a lollipop. Close your eyes and let out a slight moan.


When you have enough, stick out your tongue and slide it all the way down to the back part of the shaft. If you’re man is circumcised, toying with the skin at the back just below the head will send your man into paradise. So take your time to suckle it like you would the juice of a fruit. Slobber it back and forth, while you throw sexy glances at your man. At this time, he would be rolling his eyes and calling all the saints in heaven. You’ll love this reaction, naughty bitch!


5. Grab the shaft, and then lick them balls.


Continue the pleasure by concentrating on the balls. Lick them, and do it gently. Go back to the shaft again, and then slide your way back to the balls. I’m sure you can almost see your man’s pre-cum.


6. Put your lips together, create a tight opening, then slide your man’s dick inside your man.

Feel his manhood inside of you, and best of all, enjoy what you’re doing. And to borrow my boyfriend’s words, “it’s the distance” that matters and not the speed. Take your man’s dick as deep as you can. Then, go up and down, up and down, up and down. Do it slowly at first, then make it faster. Then slow, then fast again.


There are two things I’d like you to remember at this point.


First, NO TEETH. To accomplish this, pull your lips inside your mouth like an old woman with dentures. Do not let go of this position.


Second, cup your man’s balls while doing this. I don’t know why, but doing this gives your man a better sensation.


7. Get ready for the explosion.


There are two ways to know when your man is ready to explode. First, when the head of his penis “lights” up, throbs, or becomes bigger. Second, when the shaft is very stiff and hard, and so is your man.


Men love it when you swallow their cum, but if you’re not comfortable with it, you can just spit it out.


[Related: Spit or Swallow, Which Do Men Prefer?]

Some Hot Blowjob Tips for You

It took me some time to master the art of giving a blowjob. So don’t worry if you haven’t absorbed everything I said. These things take time. Just make sure you have enough practice. Anyway, I’d like to give you more tips.


1. Be careful with the sensitive parts.


The last thing you want to do is to scratch or injure your man. The most sensitive and delicate parts are the head of the penis and the front part of the shaft.


2. Though I urged you to be your slutty self, I also strongly urge that you do it with passion.

After all, you’re not a slut and you’re not having sex with a stranger. You’re making love with the man in your life.


I love my man. When I give him head, I always do it with passion. Blowjob for me is what connects me to him. Everytime we’re together, I wish I could give him head forever. To me, it’s more than oral sex. Blowjob is the heart of our relationship. So to keep this heart healthy, the goal is always to give him maximum pleasure and satisfaction.


3. Talk dirty.


Dirty talk increases both your libido, so discard your modest and virginal self and use terms such as “dick,” “fuck,” “suck,” “fuck yeah,” and so on...


4. Unless your man is really smelly, don’t ask him to take a bath.


A man’s musk adds to the sexiness of the moment. Plus, it makes you in the mood. Think about this. Why do some women love sniffing their husband’s soiled clothes? Why is a female deer attracted to a male deer’s smell?


5. Swallow his cum.


This is discussed in this article, so head over to that link to know more about swallowing.


6. Try some tricks.

Whether it is using a prop or slobbering your man’s dick with choco syrup, feel free to try something new. Remember, though, that not all experiments will turn out to be a success. I remember one time, my friend suggested that I gargle with mouthwash before giving my boyfriend head, and so I did but he didn’t like it.


The point is, you should add a little variety to the whole up-and-down and slobbering routine. Change a position, for instance. If you're used to doing oral sex with your man lying down, have him sit or stand up to know the difference. Add a little tingling, cool sensation by putting a little bit of toothpaste to your mouth. Try something new, or better yet, fulfill his sexual fantasies.


7. Watch yourselves in the mirror.


In love hotels, they have mirrors all over the room, especially on walls and on the ceiling. Try watching yourselves in the mirror while you do it. Trust me, you’ll notice a lustful difference.


8. It’s not how fast you go. It’s how FAR you’re willing to go, then back again.

One of the biggest misconceptions I had when I started sucking my boyfriend’s throbbing lollipop is that men want the up-and-down motion to be as fast as possible. But there were a couple of times when my boyfriend would stop me and urge me to slow down and just focus on the “displacement.” That’s my boyfriend’s term that means the distance my mouth should take / cover, from his pay-nis’s head down to the base of the shaft. So avoid the rush. Go up and down slowly, and make sure you devour everything.


NOTE:

How do I know all these things? I learned from the best. I learned from Jack. You can be an expert blowjob giver, too if you enroll in his classes.

Health Benefits of Blowjob

“Giving oral is as good as the gym

Sadly girls, giving oral will only benefit you if you’re the giver not the taker. A study has found that pleasuring a guy and swallowing can lower women’s blood pressure and reduce their risk of getting pre-eclampsia. However, if you don’t have the stomach to tackle your man’s area in this way there are other ways you can lower your blood pressure. Another study found that having regular sex with a partner you lived with could lower your diastolic blood pressure, whilst another study found a link between cuddling and reduced blood pressure. So, although you shouldn’t give up on the gym altogether, ladies, it might be worth swapping your sports kit for something a little slinkier once in a while.



Sperm is a great face cream

Although it’s not a great idea to bottle your man stuff and give it to your girl as a present, it turns out that sperm contains protein, which if applied to the face has the same anti-wrinkle benefits as moisturising creams. Apparently the white stuff can tighten skin and give you a little surgery-free facelift. Interestingly, this isn’t the only benefit sperm has to offer. It also contains zinc, magnesium, calcium, potassium and fructose. Plus, if you’re still not convinced that sperm is super, a recent study in Albany found that women who had sex without condoms had fewer signs of depression than women who used condoms or did not have sex at all. Three cheers for semen.”

What Else Can You Get from Giving Blowjobs?

Aside from the health benefits of oral sex, there are other benefits of giving blowjobs. Here, we take a look at them one by one. Those that are self-explanatory are short and sweet, but those that need explanation will obviously be longer. 

1. You're not gonna get pregnant. 

2. It's a great substitute when you have your period.

"Just like pussy." This is what my boyfriend told me the first time I gave him head. As I got more experimental with my approach later on, he realized that there are "more functionalities" with blowjobs. 

3. You can control your man if you give him good head. 

Trust me, he won't let you go that easily. I've said this before, and I'm saying it again. Master the art of giving great BJs, and you'll never have to worry about a third party. 

4. Blowjobs can be gratifying. 

This is perhaps the best reason of all. It's also the most misunderstood. If you submit to your man, you'll do anything to please him especially in bed. You won't understand this during the first few months, but as you go on, you'll understand that the inner satisfaction derived from oral sex is a hundred times deeper than getting fucked (and ejaculating). 

If you're a girl, you would probably wait for your man to fuck you. You'll spend the least amount of effort in bed. When the pounding is over, you'll gauge a man's performance based on whether or not you had an orgasm. But if you reverse the situation and try to please your man through oral sex, you'll develop a deeper connection with him.